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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042003">Oblivion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanSanchez/pseuds/JeanSanchez'>JeanSanchez</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hades (Video Game 2018), The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Achilles and Pat are sorta the same as tsoa ones in this, Also characters and such, I can't deal with bad ones myself so dw, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, also important: ANGST BUT GOOD ENDING, also there will be porn alright, liberal overuse of the word lad coming up, noob writer here so be merciful lol, so I added it as fandom too but if that's confusing pls let me know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:40:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,078</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanSanchez/pseuds/JeanSanchez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ah, the past. That ghost that haunts the greatest of men. A monster as fearsome as the worst wretches of the underworld.<br/>Here it comes, once more, to haunt him.<br/>Here he lies, overcome with grief.<br/>Here he decides,<br/>embracing oblivion will fix his heart. </p><p>Or on how Patroclus gave up on his past just to fall for a certain young prince and have it all catch up to him anyways.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Achilles &amp; Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Achilles/Patroclus (Hades Video Game), Achilles/Patroclus/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Patroclus/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Fool</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi there everyone~</p><p>So a couple things: I'm posting this while I work on it so I can't offer an actual uploading schedule or anything. In fact I'm publishing to feel pressured enough to finish this to actually fucking work on it lol<br/>That said, it's still going so if there are things you want to see in this fic or whatever, throw a comment and I'll see if I can add it!<br/>Thank you for being here and thanks to all my dear cousins in the Discord server for the support in so many ways.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What to do with an eternity that you didn't wish for?</p>
<p>Patroclus had tried, at first, to enjoy the pastures of Elysium while waiting for his beloved. But waiting, as much patience as he had in life, was hard to do when paradise could only exist for him if they were together.</p>
<p>Perhaps Achilles was sitting too, he mused, waiting for him in one place in hopes it would be easier to stumble upon each other that way. The idiot.</p>
<p>He kicked himself up from the glade’s grass and began searching. It made no sense in the very beginning to do so, since his Achilles would hopefully still take a while to follow him here. But it had to be enough time by now, however long it had actually been.</p>
<p>So he walked, a chamber after another, most full with shades far too happy to jump into fights he had no interest into. At times the shades talked, braggarts full of themselves mostly, but then he heard familiar accents. Warriors from the Trojan war, from both sides, differences forgotten now that there were no kings to follow. He almost left, until he heard his name carried with both reverence and horror by those talking.</p>
<p>Achilles.</p>
<p>
  <em> The fool… my fool… what have you done? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>__________________</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>He sat in his glade once more, too shocked by the tales he heard to stay wandering any longer.</p>
<p>All of those who fought in the trojan war knew that after Patroclus had died Achilles had lost himself. “The rage of a god in a mortal body” he had heard them say.</p>
<p>They told stories of how he starved, of how he stayed in the dark in their tent like a statue, of attempted suicide, and of immeasurable rage. He carved a bloody path right to Hector, and did atrocities to his lifeless body he could only hope were exaggerations from the braggarts the tales came from.</p>
<p>And soon after he took his vengeance he gave up once more, meeting his own end with welcoming hands.</p>
<p>Was all that why he wasn't here with him?</p>
<p>Why was Patroclus here anyway? What kind of reward is an eternal afterlife if his philtatos is not there to share it?</p>
<p>No, it could not be. His Achilles was impulsive, brash, but not stupid. Wherever he was there had to be a reason for it. Something to be done before they could meet. Otherwise all the rage, all the pain… was for nothing.</p>
<p>He just had to wait.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>_________________________</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Months, years, decades… it mattered not in here, it all was a blur, intangible.</p>
<p>All time felt long, and like nothing at the same time. Looking away at the river would have killed some hours back in the mortal realm, here it mattered not, for when you're done staring time has passed, and also not. He found himself breaking down to tears too often, plagued by loneliness and the memories of better times, of happiness now so far away it felt foreign.</p>
<p>He tried sleeping instead.<br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The smell of summer filled his lungs, air full of the sea, sun warmed grass, lavender and aromatic plants. With each step and drag of his clothes into the greenery, a rising smell: rosemary, thyme, sage, mint…</p>
<p>The soil under his feet crumbled in small puffs, he liked walking around the olive trees because of that. The ground under them was airy, carefully taken care of in between harvest seasons to ensure the best results. He couldn't care less about that, of course, he just loved the feeling of the soft airy ground giving under his small weight.</p>
<p>There was the tree he loved the most, a big old one so tall and wide it could hide him among its ashy green leaves like it would a small bird. The old servants in the house said it was hundreds of years old, that it stood long before the house was there. To them it was a silent symbol of strength, of nature's beauty. To Patroclus it was safety, a place to hide from the looks from the other kids.</p>
<p>Ah, but not all the kids were like that. Not Achilles.</p>
<p>He knew Achilles would come to find him, as he always did. The few occasions they were apart by now he always found his feet taking him to the olive trees, and Achilles knew. Soon he would see the shine of golden locks of hair in the corner of his eye. Soon he would hear his soft voice, dripping like honey, calling for him.</p>
<p>The air was warm, the sun was bright, and the waves in the sea carried the softest of tunes. Yet none of what his eyes could see now could ever hold a candle to the beauty and brightness soon to come looking for him.</p>
<p>He just had to wait.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>His heart ached as if struck by an arrow when he woke up, the warmth of the sun in Phthia still clinging to the ghost of his skin.</p>
<p>A sob broke from his chest as the warmth cooled down.</p>
<p>There was no sun here, just light. No sea or blue skies, only the misty waters of the Lethe, almost silent in their ever flowing stream of oblivion.</p>
<p>No shining golden hair or sweet hushed words would come his way now.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>_________________________<br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been a while since Achilles started working in the House of Hades. The circumstances of his arrival to the underworld were too fresh in his mind and his very soul then, he felt now. He had always been impulsive, carried by the rawness of his feelings, and that had him holding desperately to anything that felt like a solution at that time. He cared not what happened to his soul, so long as Patroclus was welcomed in the eternal glory of Elysium as he deserved.</p>
<p>In retrospect, had he been calmer then, he would have realised there could be solutions other than this, but Lord Hades was well known for harsh pacts such as these, and deep down he felt it was justified. He had failed Patroclus so deeply it cost him his life, such action called for a punishment.</p>
<p>An eternity apart might not exactly be a fair one though.</p>
<p>He kicked himself out of that train of thought. As mournful as he was he had accepted that contract, and now he had to carry his duties as stipulated. He would shoulder through this as he had so many other things in life, although it was hard to remember any hardships overcome without him by his side. The memories of their time together did not compare to the real touch of his warm calloused hands, but it was the only thing carrying him through the days and nights at times.</p>
<p>A long sigh escaped from his chest, strangely heavy now that his body didn't need it. A lot of things in mortal bodies simply disappeared once you were a shade but those that came as a result of emotion seemed to linger, making themselves more visceral in the absence of so many other things.</p>
<p>He washed up, dressed in his chiton and armour and picked up his spear.</p>
<p>The sleeping quarters of the employees and inhabitants of the house were not far from his station, just a couple empty corridors away. The mansion reminded him a little of his own house back as a child: small corridors connecting areas in an intricate maze, leading to a few main areas and a lot of small rooms, only in this house it was less for the purpose of storage and more for administrative reasons, it seemed. Close to the great hall there was a dining hall that doubled as a ballroom at times, even if such occasions were rare in the underworld, and the corridors sprouting from its sides went to guest's chambers, meeting rooms and the great hall again.</p>
<p>He often remembered the way they played around corridors and corners very much like those around him now, his memories of Patroclus’ soft laughs mixing at times with the present mirth coming from Lady Nyx’s kids as they played much the same way.</p>
<p>Learning the intricacies of the house design had taken a little while (and a few awkward moments) but it took less than he expected. Probably. Time was thick and shapeless now, passing without leaving a mark. He wondered if that would make eternity feel longer or shorter, even if it made no sense at all.</p>
<p>He reached his post in the east corridor that framed the great hall. From this position he could see the entrance to Lord Hades' chambers, the main administration offices and the hall all the way to the lounge, but he was so far tasked with guarding only that corridor.</p>
<p>He had felt anger at first at the simplicity of his task, his emotions still unstable, but didn't voice it out of fear of retribution. Achilles had been a legendary warrior, which was likely the only reason why he was there in the first place, but instead of feeling like he had a purpose it felt like his job was simply standing there looking guard-like. A non-living moving statue of a warrior for passing shades to look at.</p>
<p>The legendary Achilles: now house decoration.</p>
<p>But then again, he had told himself, he wouldn't be paying for his mistakes if his tasks were enjoyable would he?</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>____________________</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>He had first met Zagreus soon after, when the prince was but a child. It was impossible to tell exactly how old since gods lived their lives in such a different time, but to Achilles he appeared to be perhaps the way a mortal child would be in their early teenage years. He had been instructed to teach the kid everything he knew of fighting, to prepare him for life's labours.</p>
<p>He was given extra weapons and materials, even his chambers had shifted slightly to accommodate the extra armour and weaponry he could now carry around as he pleased. They had a designated training area behind the prince’s chambers where he would wait for the kid in between his (now shorter) guard rounds.</p>
<p>Achilles had seen the prince around the house a few times in passing. The kid seemed to have enough energy for a small army and most he had caught of him was a red streak as he ran past or across a corridor. He would forever remember the first time Zagreus made it to the courtyard for training.</p>
<p>Looking that first time at the young prince he reminisced briefly about himself and Patroclus first arriving at Pelion to learn under Master Chiron. Zagreus looked to be the age they were back then and just as scrawny too. His chest clenched with the memories of his and Patroclus' happiest years, away from all that was wrong in their world, and too early for the worse that was yet to come. He wondered if he could offer that to the child in front of him, a kid he knew (from gossip and whispered bits around the house) was not wanted by his father and not given much warmth from his mother, a child who didn't fit.</p>
<p>He thought of dark curly hair, and brown eyes stealing glances, a time even longer before. He thought about whispers among the other kids of blood and death, and the child that carried it all around. What would have happened, had he not given to his own curious nature? Had he decided to leave Patroclus in that cellar where he found him staring blankly at the dust in the air, wasting away? That fateful day Achilles had reached to him as an equal, and from that their souls had touched.</p>
<p>The young prince in front of him had his big mismatched eyes fixated on him, sparkling like he was looking at the greatest thing ever. Oh, how he wished to nourish that innocence. Their better years had been like this, and he bowed now to give that to the prince.</p>
<p>The fates must be laughing, having a killer like him, a traitor, a madman, mentoring such a caring creature.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>_______________________</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>He keeps drifting away to sleep after eternally long periods of just staring at the nothingness of his surroundings. He has memorised the statues, the number of steps in the stair to the top of his glade, where he sat most times, even the amount of pots simply standing in neat lines down the stairs, close to the chamber door.</p>
<p>Despair crawled into his non existing guts, heavy and unyielding. He had broken down at one point, pain turned in frustration and anger and drove him to attempting to deface this empty paradise. There was nothing then but the sound of broken ceramic, crumbling rocks, and the smell of cut and torn grass. Such had been his blind efforts that the chamber did now look like a long abandoned battlefield.</p>
<p>Perhaps the other shades, ever battle hungry, were simply hurting too.</p>
<p>Finally exhaustion settled in once more. He drifted to darkness again, lulled by the familiar smell of grass and soil around him.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>It was still too dark at first, but he would recognise that cave blind and deaf.</p>
<p>Pelion.</p>
<p>His dream self took a sharp breath at the realisation, he was back again, safely hidden away in the pink quartz of Chiron’s cave. He turned, excitement and awe filling his heart like the tide waves. Achilles laid beside him, young and soft. His otherworldly stillness now felt like a warm blanket to his cold yearning soul.</p>
<p>A soft noise escaped his parting lips, he somehow always knew when he had eyes on him. Patroclus shifted closer, seeking his warmth like a moth to a flame.</p>
<p>Please, let me hold him just a second longer.</p>
<p>Let me be his, and him mine, just a breath longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Let us stay</p>
<p>together.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>He cursed as his consciousness came back to the present, to this nothingness of his. The chamber had rearranged itself in his sleep, statues standing proud as ever once more, grass soft and green just like it had been for an unmeasurable time before, even the pots were back and unbroken.</p>
<p>His presence meant nothing, all struggles dispersed like smoke into the ether.</p>
<p>Achilles was not coming back to him, not outside his dreams.</p>
<p>Would he resent Patroclus, if he gave up?</p>
<p>He wouldn't even know.</p>
<p>Neither of them would, if this worked as they say it does.</p>
<p>He knelt by the river, looking at the misty waters waiting to feel regret, fear, wariness.</p>
<p>It did not come, only the lingering pain in his soul was there.</p>
<p>Still he apologised.</p>
<p>‘When we were both alive, I... thought you were invincible, Achilles. I knew of no one, nothing stronger, other than the love we shared. Was I deceived, in thinking this of you, of us? Forgive me, my love, for the strength of that bond is now torture, if you're not to be with me any longer.’</p>
<p>He reached for the water and took some in his cupped hand. Just a sip, he thought, to dull down the pain. To make existence bearable.</p>
<p>‘Forgive me.’</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Nectar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As time passes the young prince grows, and Achilles has to deal with more then just the guilt he had about Pat's situation. Dear Patroclus keeps on with his crusade of contempt, and Meg comes by to drop some information on Zag that will change things coming forward.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh hey, just posting this to sorta catch up with what I got in the drafts so I can keep track of things, so it might be a tad shorter than the previous chapter.<br/>That said, I got a full time job so from this point on it might take some time to upload. Apologies in advance for that TwT</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He walked under the olive trees, golden skin warmed under the hot sun of summer and feet softly sinking in the loose crumbly dirt. The air smelled of the ocean, the sun and herbs that warmed under it. The scent of the season, forever etched into his very being.</p><p>He pushed a rebel golden lock of hair behind his ear without much success, they kept playing in the warm breeze as they wished. He would be more bothered by it if he didn't enjoy the reaction they coaxed out of him when they were together. The stolen glances he took of the other boy's eyes as they fixated on him when they sat together in the sand were well worth some minor inconvenience.</p><p>He stepped around one of the twisted trunks of the olive trees and found him, sitting under one of the oldest trees as he often did before, when he wanted to escape the judging stares of the other boys.</p><p>They rarely parted ways now, even for their duties, but on the occasions they had to do so the prince would find his way back to him with ease, as if his heart knew where to guide his steps. He knew he had been heard approaching but there was no movement. Sometimes he was like this, silent and unmoving, but never cold, not to him. Achilles could see the ghost of a smile in the corner of his mouth, betraying his stony demeanour.</p><p>
  <em> Just to hear his name on my lips. </em>
</p><p>'Patroclus.' Achilles called for him.</p><p>Dark eyes moved from the distant shoreline to his own gaze, a warm easy smile finally painting his features proper.</p><p>He would call, as many times as stars in the night sky, just to see that smile shining for him.</p><p> </p><p>Achilles woke up then. His eyes fixated to the dark stoney ceiling above him. He rarely slept now that his mortal needs were left behind, but his body remembered the need still on occasion. Perhaps his head had been too loud with thoughts for too long, or perhaps a part of him hoped to see exactly what he saw even if pain and shame came in waking, strong and unstoppable as the seasons on the surface.</p><p>Was Patroclus waiting for him? Did Achilles even want him to, truly? To put the man he loved most through an eternity of waiting in vain. He had given up hope himself after all, numbing his aching heart with drinks of nectar in the lounge, pouring his soul over into Zagreus' training and education. The lad had grown so much already, and to his surprise took in his teachings quickly too.</p><p>Zagreus was warm and eager to please, and oh so full of life. His many little mannerisms made him remember Patroclus more often than not too. He looked down and away much the same way his beloved had, hiding under his long lashes and blushing when given praise even if it was rightfully earned.</p><p>He got ready for work, his first duty now would be with the prince, and as guilty as it made him feel he found himself looking forward to spending time with him. As if it was like spending time with an echo of his beloved.</p><p>It was a disservice to the lad, to think in such a way at times. He was his own person, a god at that, mind you. Ah, but that was where part of the guilt came from too, wasn't it? Achilles felt drawn to the prince as much from his similarities with his Patroclus as from his own personality. The lad had grown into a man capable of sweeping others into his side with that warm aura of his. He was still inexperienced in life, but the pieces of a great man were there, ready to grow further and reach true greatness.</p><p>Achilles had not known how close to the beginning of that path the prince was before that night or day. He had made a decision, a bit childish admittedly, to attempt a little heist and finally find out what his father guarded from him so zealously. And that he found. Now he knew himself to be the son of another goddess, not Nyx. He knew both his father and her had lied his entire life.</p><p>He knew she was on the surface, far away and hiding.</p><p>And so he stood in the courtyard, shaking with anger, frustration and unbearable sadness, pacing around and murmuring, until Achilles found him.</p><p>It was time, he said, to put all that training to use.</p><p> </p><p>__________________</p><p> </p><p>Numbness.</p><p>At least it was so at first. The sharp edge of his pain dulled. The most painful of memories, their last conversation, at last not so unforgiving in the front of his mind.</p><p>The rest remained. Every bit of his Achilles was still as tangible as if he had just seen him. The sound of his voice, his smell, the warmth of his embrace, his laugh. The dreams kept their relentless assault to his soul.</p><p>How much of himself was a product of their love, he wondered. Would he lose himself too along with their memories?</p><p>Perhaps that was the best outcome. Becoming a husk of a man would be the closest thing to disappearing a shade could get.</p><p>He took another sip, after an especially vivid dream:</p><p> </p><p>Achilles and him, sitting in the bed they had shared back in Pelion.</p><p>His smile was warmer than the summer sun, now far in time and taken over by winter's unforgiving cold. His hands were soft over his skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake as they climbed from his knees up, and up, so slowly.</p><p>He could feel him trembling with need, holding back. The thought of it filled his stomach with butterflies so much he felt his head spinning, only to be grounded once again when their lips met. It wasn't rushed, or complicated.</p><p>It wasn't the desperate hold they had shared later in the war.</p><p>They were just two young souls, finding each other, tangled.</p><p> </p><p>And now it hurt so much.</p><p>Another drink, and the dullness softened further.</p><p>Conversations were now just the shape of words he couldn't recall any longer, but some general lines remained. Memories stayed, but distant at times, as if the people and words in them were on the tip of his tongue but never came. Just short moments, glimpses of life.</p><p> </p><p>He's together with a loved one, and they're happy.</p><p>They're young and dumb. There's love, his own laugh, and olive trees. The smells are the strongest here, herby and comforting.</p><p>He's walking on the beach, waiting for someone important. He feels anxious, somehow in a good way.</p><p>They're lying in a simple bed of pelts, limbs tangling together but he only feels the warmth of it, welcoming and familiar, only faceless.</p><p>He still remembers Briseis, bright and strong, making someone else he loved angry with merciless teasing.</p><p>There was a heated discussion, foggy and faint, and then they were not together anymore.</p><p>He remembers his own death to a warrior's spear, a war. As it so often happens, he guessed.</p><p> </p><p>But feelings ran deep, and soon he felt the yearning of his soul for that now shapeless lover once again.</p><p>He ventured out of the glade once, thinking of perhaps finding company, but soon realised no company from other shades seemed to help filling that hole in his chest, for it had a specific shape. He could blur it, but not deny its presence.</p><p>The water helped, he found. It would not further erase what he could remember, satisfied as he was with the shapes of memories and the happiness he knew had felt. A drink now simply muted the loud cry for companionship from his heart. Perhaps the Lethe wasn't as simple as they told, and only took what was needed to take. Some lose themselves completely to it, said the tales, but it could simply mean they needed to fade that much themselves.</p><p>It was easier now to stay in that glade and simply be. To stare at nothing and feel at ease.</p><p> </p><p>__________________</p><p> </p><p>For many mortals the idea of gods having anything but a frustration-free existence would sound laughable. If only they knew. For many would be amusing too to see the extent of such frustrations clearly, poorly hidden by some such as the God of the dead himself, who sat most days grumpily scribbling on endless amounts of parchmentwork at this desk, towering over the main hall of the house of Hades.</p><p>This view did not stir most of its occupants by now though, which seemed to add to his foul mood. It had only gotten worse as of late, since his son had turned against him more feverishly than ever before, after one fateful night (or day).</p><p>Said son, Zagreus, god of blood, of life itself, had taken off in a huff soon after that incident. Or attempted to, at least. His flaming feet had taken him past most of Tartarus the first time, but had fallen short to the strength and ruthless cracking of the furie’s wip right at the end of it. His timely death seemed to only spur him forward into trying harder though, worrying most of the less informed but nonetheless curious inhabitants of the house.</p><p>It became a somewhat normal occurrence to see the prince lift himself off the waters of the Styx and back into the house time and time again.</p><p>To some of said inhabitants it was almost a painful show. Their dear prince, throwing himself at the beasts of the underworld in hopes of reaching the surface, a feat very few had managed and even amongst them, most learned to regret.</p><p>But not their Zagreus. Their prince would not hear reason, he had a goal now.</p><p>And among the inhabitants and workers, a certain guard silently hoarded the most concern over the prince than them all, aside from the Goddess Nyx perhaps. The great hero of the Trojan war, Achilles, stood ever vigilant and stern at his post but would go soft in the eyes at the sight of the young prince.</p><p>Nowadays (or nights) he rarely trained with his young master anymore. Zagreus was a man now, well prepared and ready for real battles, which he clearly didn't run from. It made him proud, as much as it worried him not to know what it all could lead to.</p><p>After so long in the house of Hades he had heard all kinds of things, little bits and pieces of information passing through shades and gods alike who, even if aware of his presence, were not bothered by the possibility of him eavesdropping (unintentionally… most times). He knew about some of the circumstances surrounding Zagreus' birth, but not all of it. How things had come to be like this he did not know, and dared not to guess.</p><p>Zagreus seemed to trust him with any information he came across, and valued his input on it much to the old shade's pride. He had been chosen as his mentor even if he felt unworthy of such honour, and seeing the lad trust him so openly pulled at something in his chest that he felt had to be contained.</p><p>As if summoned by his thoughts, Zagreus raised from the Styx once more, his chiton dripping the remnants of the red waters still clinging to his form. He had taken a long time this go, perhaps he finally had made it through the bone Hydra. He had little time to feel pride for his student, as his head quickly reminded him what was right after that last monster in Asphodel: the evergreen paradise meadows of Elysium. The young god had been telling him of his encounters with certain shades in Tartarus and Asphodel for a while, seeking advice on how to help them, his heart ever so full of care. If the fates had led him to such corners of the underworld time and time again, perhaps there was a chance that Zagreus would run into <em> him </em> at Elysium.</p><p>The fates are cruel like that.</p><p>What would he do? What <em> could </em> he do, really, if the prince was to find Patroclus? If he learned about his pact? His ever loving student, his friend, would throw himself at the matter, as he always does. But Achilles' heart was long broken and tired, too much to risk having hope just for it to break again. He had already lost, and digging them both out of that hole would simply be like trying to empty the ocean of its waters: a task doomed to failure, if not from the simplicity of its daunting nature, from the risk of drowning while attempting it. Much the same way now, he knew that attempting to manipulate or change the pact could condemn his beloved to an eternal stay in Asphodel. All the pain he had caused to the both of them would be for nothing.</p><p>Perhaps he had become more dramatic in death than he thought, or perhaps the gloomy nature of Orpheus had rubbed onto him. At any rate, thinking about even the possibility of facing his worst mistakes through his dear friend and student was horrifying in its own way, as it was the thought of facing his most recent feelings for the prince.</p><p>He had failed his beloved in life and still he had the audacity to let his heart yearn for another as much as for him.</p><p>He truly was a selfish, cruel man.</p><p>Zagreus approached him now, his steps light and lively. He was in a good mood, and in his hand he could see the edges of yet another bottle of nectar. His smile was dashing as ever, contagious.</p><p>Achilles had his hand already rising in an attempt to turn down such kindness from his ward when the prince talked.</p><p>'I know what you're about to say Achilles but come on. Let me at least share this with you, if that is ok. I had a good run this time round and like it or not it was your teachings that made it possible.' he lifted the bottle in his hand and gestured with a quirked smile and a nod of the head towards the now empty lounge. He was due his break by now, and even if he feared the rawness of his emotions around the prince the offer was tempting.</p><p>He sighed in feigned defeat to the prince's insistence. 'Alright lad, tell me all about it then.'</p><p> </p><p>____________________</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He raised from the red waters of the river feeling triumphant in his defeat. He had died again yes, but he finally made it through Asphodel this time. He fell right on the first chamber of Elysium, his wounds too deep to even move properly, but it was good anyway. He was getting stronger, closer to the surface with every try. Not only that but he had accumulated some goods too. He could at least help Dusa make the lounge more comfortable now with the gemstones he got for the contractor. And there was also this.</p><p>He cradled the bottle of nectar in his hand, watching the golden liquid move inside for a moment before deciding the best way to use it. If he was honest with himself there weren't many who came to mind in a moment like this other than his mentor. None would listen to his improvements and offer the same support as he did. He hoped that some day or night soon he would fix things with Thanatos properly, and end the slow dance they had around each other before either of them went mad.</p><p>Still he felt a bit bad about it, Achilles had mentored him from a young age and now Zagreus was trying to reach him in a much less formal manner, trying to make him see how he felt, and he knew it made the other man anxious. Zagreus wasn't blind, nor dumb, and had noticed the way the warrior looked at him, yet there would not be any advances from his part, of that Zag was certain. It felt funny sometimes, knowing some of the stories the shades told about Achilles the warrior and seeing the contrast between the image those painted and the reality he knew of.</p><p>He took the nectar and walked to the corridor with the guard post. Achilles stood there as usual, still as a statue and ever vigilant, even if it was unnecessary given the lack of enemies to protect anything from. He didn't miss the glint in the eyes of the warrior as he caught sight of him, or how his shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. Zagreus wouldn't dare to say he could read the man, but he let himself think he did so better than most. He knew he was going to be turned down when offering the nectar, every time he had managed to have him accept it the other man remarked on how unworthy he was of such offerings.</p><p>He would not have that happen this time, his recent progress called for a drink and if he pushed a little he knew he could have the man share it. It was worth a try at least.</p><p>Surprisingly, it worked. He led the way to the lounge with a warm smile he knew Skelly would have called doofy, but he couldn't help himself. It seemed most shades and employees of the house were either busy or spending their time elsewhere, they had the lounge almost for themselves.</p><p>A bottle of nectar became two, easy talk flowing between them like the gold pouring in their glasses. The drink wasn't the strongest one could get but it was enough to loosen up to and made them both pleasantly warm. He couldn't help stealing glances of the man, his eyes were distant in thought and his cheeks coloured a light shade of pink from the drinks. When their eyes met he couldn't help to look down as if he had been looking in a motion, just happening to catch his eyes. He cursed at himself for being too careful, but words were difficult to come by to express his feelings, and the fear of rejection was too great.</p><p>‘Say lad, you seem to have a lot in your head, apart from your escapes that is. If I can be of help please don't hesitate to talk with me.’</p><p>
  <em> Ah, curse his much too perceiving nature. </em>
</p><p>‘It's ok Sir, I know I can trust you. It's simply that there is much to think about right now so I get overwhelmed at times. This helps though.’ he managed a cheeky smile and raised his glass to take another sip. He knew the other man wouldn't be satisfied with that answer but Achilles didn't press the matter at that moment.</p><p>‘I will admit it does help to unwind now and then, especially with good company. Offer still stands, if you ever need to discuss anything.’ Zagreus noticed his mentor's eyes drifting to Thanatos’ portrait on the board, this time’s featured servant of the house. Ah, yeah, that was one to talk about for certain. Not now though.</p><p>‘I will, Achilles Sir. Thank you again. And I hope you know it goes both ways. If there is anything on your mind, or something I could help with just let me hear about it will you?’ he saw the change in his eyes, as if there was definitely something that came to mind right away. Yet it was quickly gone, his unreadable facade on the front once again. He couldn't help but wonder what was troubling him so, and why he would not tell.</p><p>‘Thank you my Prince, I will certainly keep it at heart.’ he finished the last sip of his drink then and got up, gesturing to Zagreus to remain. ‘I must get back to my post now but you certainly have earned a rest lad, so perhaps finish the bottle in my stead. Besides…’ he moved his eyes to the side signaling somewhere behind Zagreus. ‘I believe your attention may be required here still lad.’</p><p>Before he could ask what he meant he heard a soft scoff coming from behind him, and the pop of a cork. Megaera.</p><p>Achilles offered him a soft smile of support and a small nod of the head as goodbye, and retired to his guard post once more. Zagreus braced for a conversation with Megaera and poured himself another serving of nectar.</p><p>‘You should stop that you know.’ her sharp voice cut through the space between them live knives.</p><p>'I'm not getting drunk, thank you for your concern.'</p><p>'Shut up. You know I didn't mean that. Or perhaps you are an idiot and you really don't know.'</p><p>'I guess I am then.' he turned to face her, and decided it would ultimately be less rude if he joined her at her table to have a proper conversation. If she didn't want that she would certainly rebuff him anyway.</p><p>She didn't flinch, or tell him to go, but she did look at him with a look full of disdain.</p><p>'You think you are so subtle with your advances Zag but it's obvious what you are trying with Achilles. And you better stop it.'</p><p>His eyes sharpened for a moment, a protest forming in his lips that she cut down immediately.</p><p>'I said shut up. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings so he won't tell you not to have you meddle in his business, but I will so that you stop it already. He has a partner, Zagreus. Out in Elysium.'</p><p>'What? As in, currently? He mentioned he had one and they separated, time ago. The way he talked about it, I thought it was a breakup.'</p><p>'You really are stupid Zag. How many shades do you think break up around here?'</p><p>'But... I don't understand. He is always here, why did he not go to see them?'</p><p>'Ask that to your father. Or better, don't. Stop meddling before you make things worse.' she took the last of her drink and finished it in one go. 'Also consider maturing some before involving yourself with others or dragging them into that little crusade of yours.' her wing raised menacingly as her eyes bore into him. 'See you out there, Zag.'</p><p>He muttered a goodbye as she left. His head started spinning with thoughts, racing like mad with too many questions. He knew that going to Achilles and simply asking would not have any good results, as the man barely talked about himself and tended to be almost secretive about his own thoughts and worries. And that was when he wasn't playing down his accomplishments or flat out demonising himself. At first Zag had thought of it as him being humble but with time he realised it was something deeper, that Achilles truly didn't believe himself to be worthy of praise. It had fueled Zag to try harder to find a way to make the man see his own worth, and in turn made it harder to ignore his own interest in him.</p><p>And yet, even with this in mind, he couldn't shake the feeling that the attraction he saw in Achilles' eyes at times wasn't wishful thinking. Still, Achilles had not told Zag about this properly, and he could only wonder why.</p><p>It might not be that day or night, but an uncomfortable conversation had to happen soon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope I can have the next part soon for y'all!<br/>As said before, comments are greatly appreciated :D<br/>Also, again, not native speaker so if you catch something weird let me know lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just some extra plot:<br/>A glimpse on how things work structurally in Elysium, Pat meets a certain boatman and our boys back at the house have a bit oh a talk about feelings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Someone smack Achilles with a rolled up newspaper until he learns how to deal with his shit please.<br/>Also, as per usual, let me know if I did something weird with grammar or spelling cause I'm not a native English speaker, thanks ♡</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There wasn't much to do for a lone shade in Elysium aside from trying to find ways to spend eternity. Since he took a liking to numbing down most negative feelings in the river Patroclus found himself slowly becoming more bitter out of boredom. With no will to pick up his spear back he also didn't have much of a reason to wander around looking for other shades, since most of them were just itching for a fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had wandered a few times though, to the urban areas of Elysium, just to see what this so-called paradise was all about. The public bathhouses were quite the find, blissfully empty most of the time but always ready to use and enjoy. His rough tangly hair certainly was grateful for the visit if anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boatman's shop did interest him a great deal more, if only for the boatman himself. He had heard of Charon as any mortal had: with vague descriptions mostly dripping with fear and hushed when talking about death and the afterlife. When seeing him in person he could understand why at first but he turned out to be a quite pleasant man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patroclus approached the god with curiosity when he found his shop behind one of the chamber doors around one of the least busy areas of urban Elysium.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paced around the empty glade Charon had set his shop at, the whole place full of small tables and pedestals showcasing products. There was even an entire wall of the glade almost covered in armour and weapons, and the materials to maintain them. As impressive as those were he had absolutely no interest in them, but the rest of it was like nothing he had seen before. Sure, he had been to some markets and seen some places in life, but he couldn't recall seeing things like these in them. Every product, every box and package, was made with utmost care to look its best. There were bottles and jars of wine, oil, preserved fruits and all sorts of treats just for enjoyment (since shades didn't need to eat), that looked like they belonged on the table of a King's dining hall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'I heard you carry the finest wares in the underworld, Master Charon, and I must say that from all the nonsense coming from those braggart shades this one thing was certainly true.'.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Hrrrhhhaaaaaa' the boatman said in gratitude. A small chill ran through Patroclus at the very tangible immortal aura and presence of the god in his speech. He got the sensation he was supposed to feel more fear, that he was expected to, perhaps. Instead a distant image came to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was a kid, standing somewhere in the sands of a beach. In front of him the sea lapped lazily at his feet and not far, half emerging from the water, loomed a figure of a tall woman, a goddess. She stood her whole height and took one confident step forward. Her impossibly red lips stood out against the white of her skin and deep black of her hair as if covered in blood. They curled into a displeased frown before they opened, showing inhumanly sharp teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah, he had known fear of the gods yes, and Charon certainly didn't fall in the category of "gods who cause primal fear" to him like whoever the hell that other one had been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small chuckle escaped Patroclus' lips at the thought. Not even the Lethe could take away certain fears, or perhaps not if you had blocked them yourself already. The boatman, however, seemed shocked at his casual behaviour. Or well, as shocked as one could tell, being mostly hidden by his outfit and the purple mist coming off him. Patroclus couldn't help but wonder if most warriors here were really that weary of the god and if so, why. The longer he stayed on that glade looking at the trinkets in his shop and Charon himself the less threatening the man would come across. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe they were simply too busy enjoying whatever they found in Elysium that he didn't.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Tell me, Lord, if it's not too intrusive to ask… what do you think of this place?'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Ggnnhhaaaaaahh?' </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Answering a question with a question, how very typical of the gods in old tales.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'I can't say I'm "happy" no, but I'm not sure I would prefer to slow cook in Asphodel if that's the alternative, you see.' he joked, it felt useless to flat out lie to a god like this one but he didn't have to share the full extent of the issue either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'......hhaghmahhh ghoohh.'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Hm? Yes I've noticed some things change on their own, come back to normal in a sense if you disturb them, but I'm not sure what you mean by "it should adapt to my needs" '.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boatman looked for a few moments at the confused shade, amused by Patroclus' curiosity. He then moved slightly to the wall closest to his counter and touched it. Somewhere inside the stone wall there was a crack and a hollow pop, and on the outside of it a few cracks appeared as if the stone got divided into tiles. They moved and rearranged quickly into what seemed like a small fountain, and water began pouring out of a tip in the top, crystalline and fresh. Patroclus was still staring at the new feature of the chamber when Charon held a small teapot to it, filled it and put it aside somewhere behind the counter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So that's how things work around here then?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After seeing it there was no doubt in his mind, had he stayed where he was he would have probably never found about any of this, for all his soul seemed to yearn for was certainly not something Elysium could make pop out of a wall. Now though, after the cries of his soul were hushed, what could he wish for?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed, still looking at the small fountain as it disappeared back into the wall. Charon had a knowing look in his purple misty eyes. Perhaps some yearnings were big enough for the gods to see in plain sight. Perhaps it was Charon's own nature, to know what others needed so he could trade it to them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Ghaahgg mraaahhhooh.' Charon suggested. Most shades who didn't fight as a way of existence in Elysium did have a house in the residential area of the realm after all. It sounded like a good enough idea, or at least time consuming enough to distract him for a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Thank you my Lord, I will give it a try. Now… I believe I saw a few things I might actually want to have.'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boatman straightened a little at the prospect of benefits, and gladly started discussing the specifics of the items in question with a glint of gold in his eyes.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>______________</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A house huh?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He faintly remembers wanting one, a proper place. His past self, as blurry as it was now, had wanted some things badly enough to give him goosebumps at the thought of them now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A house that felt as safe as that cave, many years before. Where the warmth of the sun mixed with that of his beloved, but they were young then. Everything is brighter when you are young and in love. The pelts they slept into felt like the best of beds, and the sun was brighter than it would ever be afterwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembers feeling foolish years later when he wished for that, while at war. A big part of himself knew they wouldn't make it out of there, and wishing for a life after the war would not bring them anything but pain and false hope. Still he could picture it. Nothing fancy, just a big cottage in the woods, close to a pond. Big enough for them and the dogs, and a garden. Warmed by the summer sun, sweet with the smell of ripe figs and enveloped in the sound of cicadas lazily chirping in the tree trunks. A dream, truly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn't even have that now, not as he had dreamed at least. There aren't animals pacing around in Elysium other than a few insects and fish that seemed to be native to the place. There wouldn't be any dogs, and silence would replace the cry of cicadas in his dream. But most importantly perhaps: he would be alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having a house that doesn't feel like home felt ultimately useless, but the whole thing was mostly a way to occupy himself anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walked into his glade, set the few things he had purchased from Charon aside and began planning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>______________</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn't always sure what to do with his breaks. They felt too long no matter what he busied himself with, and often found his thoughts tangled back into places and times he would rather not remember. Most times he just sulked while remembering his beloved Patroclus, how his voice sounded when calling him, the touch of his calloused hands, the texture of his hair. So many nights (or days) he spent in his modest chambers getting his head full of him just to have to wash the thoughts and guilt away with nectar or wine. He felt pathetic, so caught up in his sorrow, barely more held together at times than when he had held Patroclus’ lifeless body in their tent so long ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But how could he properly move forward after that, when he couldn't even see him anymore? The promise of an eternal afterlife was supposed to be a blessing for esteemed warriors such as them, the eternal glory and company of their fellow warriors and each other. Patroclus however had not been given such a reward for his death. Achilles wouldn't have that. Not after how their life together had ended. Patroclus deserved better, always had, in his opinion. Better than his birth family, than enduring such circumstances and ending up kicked away, better than getting his life caught into the same stream as that of a demigod fated to be a warrior. Better than seeing that many battles, and having to stitch Achilles body and mind back together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better than the gods dismissing all his good and sentencing his soul to an eternity in Asphodel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Better, now, than what little Achilles could provide with his arrangement with Hades.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could curse himself and the fates for all eternity, but what's done is done. He had pulled Patroclus into his life, and all the guilt in the world would not make it any different. He could only hope that his efforts, if desperate, could have brought his dearest some rest. Perhaps he found Briseis in Elysium and could now spend time leisurely with her, away from the battlefields and horrors surrounding them in life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His little self pity party was interrupted by a soft knock in the door of his chambers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He straightened himself from the recliner he had been lounging into, left his cup of nectar in the table beside it with the bottle and fixed his clothes to look proper for whoever was at the door. He had taken off his cape when he first arrived to the room but decided against putting it back on, it would be more rude to make someone wait for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened the door to find a nervous looking Zagreus waiting on the other side, his frame turned as if already about to leave. The lad, ever so impatient, probably thought he had been sleeping or somewhere else. He turned and his eyes widened slightly as they moved over Achilles' face, his neck and followed to his bare shoulders and arms. Achilles forced himself to ignore the furtive looks, and how the god's pupils dilated as they explored him quickly in a failed attempt to be discreet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Hello Achilles, Sir. I hope I'm not interrupting your rest.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Ah, hi lad, and no, you interrupted nothing. Would you like to come in?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Sure, if it's ok.' he noticed the unusual seriousness in the prince's face as he stepped in his chambers. He pointed Zagreus to the recliner as he moved a big chair to sit himself opposite to the prince. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Tell me lad, what is on your mind? You seem troubled.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I… yes sir. Achilles. There's something I want to talk about but I'm afraid there's no proper way to bring it up.'</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah… that doesn't sound promising.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He imagined the young god's face turning sad to his rejection, if this was him attempting to proposition Achilles. As much as his body and heart desired him, Achilles couldn't bring himself to accept such an advance. He broke everyone that got close to him, ruined them. His heart still screamed in sorrow for his Patroclus. Letting himself love someone else, his ward, the soon of his employer no less, would only bring them all ruin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat as straight in the chair, looking at Zagreus in the eyes encouragingly. Fear is for the weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I… sir, I would like to hear about your arrangement with my father. About your lover. I don't want to intrude, but I couldn't help notice you have never talked about it after Megaera mentioned it all. Well… after she scolded me about it, I guess.'. There was clearly so much more he wanted to say, but couldn't find the words. Achilles had noticed the prince keeping his distance more as of late, not necessarily being colder but simply politely restrained. It made sense now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What a mess, his feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zagreus must have noticed some change in his expression or posture at that and rushed to try and retract from his attempt with a 'You don't need to indulge me on this sir, I know it's not an easy subject and it's none of my business-'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Lad. Zagreus. It's alright. It is indeed something I avoided talking about but not out of mistrust. I did not wish to burden you with it.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Sir, you know it's no burden to help you. Or simply know more about you. And honestly, if I am to find out more about you I think I would rather do so through you, not by hearing about it from third parties.' his expression was one Achilles had probably never seen on him before. Stern, yet soft somehow. He was being open and honest with his feelings in a way Achilles himself found terribly hard to be most times, with anyone but his Patroclus. Zagreus was obviously unhappy about the way he found out about some details of his mentor's life, understandably so, but at the same time didn't want to cross his boundaries and be invasive. He didn't deserve such a caring man to be so interested in him, and yet it was precisely that warmth that had Achilles unable to properly set a distance between them. He looked up at Zagreus, who's expression had become more intense, determined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I'm not a kid anymore, Achilles. You have been my mentor for so long I barely remember what it was like to walk down that corridor and not see you there. You have taught me more useful things than anyone, inside and outside the courtyard.' He looked at Achilles' eyes as he spoke, his own mismatched ones bright and, even in their intensity, grounding to him. He felt his long dead heart beating anew, carried away by the life Zagreus' own aura radiated with. 'I feel like we both know we outgrew our status as teacher and student time ago, yet you kept your distance nonetheless. I tried to honour that decision, Achilles, but as you know I'm not exactly good with things being assumed. Especially when that distance shortens and lengthens randomly. I need to know.' Zagreus shifted on the recliner slightly, getting a bit closer. Their knees were touching, and he could see his own reflection on the prince's eyes. He stayed there, just far enough not to be invasive, but close enough that, if he wanted, they could easily shorten it. 'I care about you, deeply. I need to know if I can be your friend, if we can be closer. If there might be a chance of more, some day. I won't pursue anything you're not comfortable with, I simply want this senseless dance of ours to end before we hurt each other. You told me you used to have a lover in a way that sounded like it was all over, but that is not the truth, is it?'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Achilles felt almost frozen in place. Zagreus always managed to shake him, one way or another, always full of surprises. The prince had grown to be a truly caring and responsible man in matters of the heart, or was at least trying to improve. Achilles almost felt like a teenager once more, back when him and Patroclus were still dancing around each other like this, both too afraid to risk making a first move. He had not been propositioned per se, not directly, yet his dead heart was skipping beats anyway with the shock of having his suspicions confirmed and the shame of his own dishonesty towards Zagreus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Afraid… it was fear he felt now yes. Achilles, best of the Greeks, a legendary warrior, was very much afraid of his own heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But fear is for the weak, is it not? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just get your shit together already.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed softly through his nose, trying to steady his thoughts and silence his worries. Zagreus was looking at him like he might bolt now, the silence might have stretched longer than he intended and made the poor lad stew in his own thoughts too much. He couldn't help but reach for him, as close as they were, to reassure him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he set a hand against his cheek he could feel Zagreus' trembling breath as he sighed, leaning slightly into the touch. Gods, he could have kissed him right there and then. But no, not before Zagreus knew everything. Not before he knew the kind of man he truly was. Anything before that felt like fooling the man, and soiling the memory of his own beloved and their own honest relationship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did get closer though. Pulling slightly on Zagreus with his hand as he came closer himself, until their foreheads rested on each other. He let a soft breathy laugh escape him at the mess he had managed to create.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'For someone taught of most socialising by the likes of me you sure know how to convey your feelings, prince.' Zagreus chuckled at that, sweet and easy like the shy laughs he coaxed out of Pat gods know how long ago, back in Pelion, when laughing felt as if the butterflies in their stomachs were escaping into the air between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am afraid I made you a disservice, Zagreus. We should have talked time ago. I shouldn't have let things get to the point of causing you distress, especially since it was one of many things I was trying to avoid from the beginning.' he couldn't bring himself to look at Zagreus' eyes while this close, but looking down had him staring at his lips an be extremely aware of how the soft exhales of air went through them and tickled his own skin as the prince breathed. Patroclus would be laughing so hard at him if he could see this all, ever the one to give him the final push with so many things, and the one who just knew how to deal with feelings he didn't even know he had himself. He closed his eyes and kept talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I am honoured that you have me at such high esteem, and I do consider you a friend already, lad. You have grown to be a truly wonderful man. I realise I should not leave you in the dark about myself and my past when you are nothing but straightforward with me. I… I could not deal with the thought of what your opinion of me would be if you knew everything, so I kept you out of it. And for that I must apologise.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'I understand, Achilles. You know how I feel, so you know I wouldn't judge your present self by what happened in the past. It was another life. You don't even need to tell me anything right now either, I just… I'll be there, whenever you are ready. For anything.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his eyes and looked at Zagreus' own, so full of care and understanding. Here and now, in the intimacy of his chambers, it felt as if there was nothing at the other side of the door. The world was what they almost had here, the closeness and the promise of so much more to come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, he thought, he'd give Zagreus everything he carried and hid so zealously. Soon he would face the fear, and assume the risk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sadly now he could feel the pull of his duties calling back. He leaned closer for a moment, angling Zagreus' face up in his hold to give him a kiss, just a soft press of lips, light and gentle. A promise. When he pulled back Zagreus' face was almost as red as his chiton, and his eyes were shining like the stars and moon of Lady Nyx's skies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Come back on my next break lad, we'll talk properly.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Achilles, I… thank you.' One of his hands touched his knee softly as he pulled back too, and even with the layer of cloth between them Achilles could feel his skin getting covered in goosebumps. 'I will be here, sir.'</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Achilles: I must resist the temptation. Conceal, don't feel.<br/>Zagreus: h-<br/>Achilles: well I guess I have no other option but to kiss him do I?</p><p> </p><p>I hope you liked it, and that it made some kind of sense and wasn't too much of a shift lol<br/>I have some ideas on how to keep going about this all now thanks to this chapter so even if not a lot happened in it, things are going to take off soon lads</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As said before, thank you for reading and don't hesitate to drop a comment if you wanna see something in this (or if you catch a typo or something, I'm not a native English speaker after all) ♡</p><p>Also you can find me on Twitter at @ThatJeanGuy or drop a coin at<br/><a href="https://ko-fi.com/jeansanchez">Kofi</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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